Zero Interest in... OUT OF HIS ELEMENT

Tonight (Sunday 15th March, 2009), I was in one of the single most strange situations I’ve ever been in. I had a ticket to Cirque Du Soliel… and the VIP section.
Leading up to this event, I had no idea it would be so awkward. In fact, I was quite looking forward to it. I’d been sick for about two weeks previously (missing three concerts, which blew), but I was finally starting to feel better, and a night of mind blowing French circus excellence was exactly what I was in need for.
What I didn’t need was to be stuck in pretentious-ville beforehand.
Unfortunately, and with you knowing standard writing form, that’s exactly what happened.
It all started well, we were able to park nice and close (due to VIP parking), and CDS was just across the road. Compared to last time where we had a super long walk, this was a pleasant relief.
After parking the car, entering the vicinity, and progressing along to “our” tent (a magical location entitled ‘Tapis Rouge’), we made our way in. We were handed a free program, the air conditioning was nice, and the room kind of looked and felt like the Korova Milk Bar.
You’re thinking: “Well, Zero, that doesn’t sound bad…”
WELL, SIR, YOU ARE WRONG! YOU ARE WRONG LIKE DONKEY KONG!
I could tell just by walking in, I was out of my element. Everyone there had an air of total pretentiousness to them, and suddenly, I felt it coming on as well. “Ha! Look at us! In this fancy room, away from all those plebs!” I didn’t know what I was saying. I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that this was Tapis Rouge, and fuck the rest of them!
There was fine wine, though I didn’t drink any. Maybe I should have, the drunkenness would have made me feel far less nervous and pessimistic.
The food wasn’t real. It was salmon, caviar, and other assorted tiny food. I felt like Nigel Tufnel in This Is Spinal Tap, during the “tiny bread” scene. (I eventually escaped and made my way to the other main tent, and bought chips and chocolate instead. Y’know? REAL FOOD)
The people there had a dignity that I was very uncertain of, it was obvious that they thought they were superior, and a punk kid like me could feel nothing but paranoia by it all.
I soon found myself talking to some man who I later discovered is a doctor. We spoke of science fiction literature, and the price of modern day living, all while feasting on minute pieces of salmon. We spoke like two highfaluting university professors. You know that I’m not like that, and you know how ludicrous this all sounds. Make no mistake though, it really did happen.
Eventually we made our way to the arena, and saw half of the show. Cirque Du Soliel was spectacularly brilliant as usual, and didn’t disappoint.
During intermission we went back to Tapis Rouge, and ate tiny morsels of chocolate cake. Because anything reaching a proper portion would be insanity!
Then I snorted coke.
Rest of the show was good, and we did get a free cd each (which was the only worthwhile experience of being VIP, apart from excellent seats).
Eventually we made our way home, and had McDonalds for tea. This turned out to be a bad idea, and I’m still gassing it up pretty badly.
I’m Zero Interest.
Tonight I was out of my element.
Good night, folks.