Thanks

Lately I’ve had a lot of bullshit going through my life. I only really feel comfortable talking about it since I’ve been seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I was confronted with things which were changing my perceptions of things and rocking the stability of the last 19 years of my life. They were things which were out of my control; hence I often felt helpless and so often, I’d try to change the things which just caused me undue problems. I had to learn to accept the changes and to leave the people with which had the problems to organise and sort said problems out for themselves (easier said than done). These changes and problems caused me to become depressed, I finally found the true meaning of the lyric “why put the gun to your head if you’re already dead”. People have questioned my reasons for hanging around with the punks, and why people with issues are attracted to me like I’m a magnet. I have no Mohawk, I haven’t had a shitty childhood, or I don’t scream anarchy at the top of my lungs, but I realised that I see a part of myself in the punks, and they see that back.
It was during this time when I found out who my true friends were. Not being able to change the situation which was causing me so much stress meant that all I really wanted from telling the few people I did about my situation was acceptance. As Cometbus once said, people tell you their problems for understanding and acceptance, not advice. There were friends who instantly left me, they were only friends with me for the short haul, and I accept that. Then there were those who stuck around for a bit, but as the saying goes; when the shit gets tough, the tough get going. It was disappointing to see some of these people flake, but again, I don’t hold it against them, some of them had enough bullshit of their own to deal with and others just weren’t equipped for my level of bullshit. There were two people in the end who stuck by and took all of my bullshit and moods during this time, both of them had the same thing in mind. Both of them were a surprise hang-around. When everything happened, I wouldn’t have thought that those two would’ve helped me out like they did. It’s thanks to them that I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I finally realised, thanks to them, that there were other things in my life which were stable which I could lean on. I realised that there were people that still cared for me, even when it seems that the world had turned its back. As one of them said to me “I only did it to make you happy”. Now that I’m finally getting over the troubles and everything is settling down, one of the guys asked me “why are you still hanging around me if your problems are fixed”? I guess he’ll never know how much he helped me.

To anyone who is reading, please don't ask me for clarification on what I'm talking about, it will just lead to my rude refusal